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Encountering refusal, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. An editor is declining your work, delivering a firm “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to rejection. I began proposing articles five decades ago, upon completing my studies. Since then, I have had several works declined, along with book ideas and countless pieces. In the last score of years, focusing on personal essays, the rejections have only increased. In a typical week, I get a rejection every few days—adding up to more than 100 each year. In total, rejections throughout my life exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Not at all. Since, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: By this stage, nearly each individual and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never counted my acceptance statistics—doing so would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor nixed 20 articles one after another before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 book publishers vetoed my book idea before a single one accepted it. Subsequently, 25 representatives declined a book pitch. One editor suggested that I send potential guest essays only once a month.

My Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, every no stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my work being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would start the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? Why would these people be overlook my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe it’s the incorrect submission? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Then, dismissal. What can any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my labours? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why do I put myself through this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Company

Of course, I was in excellent company. Stories of writers whose books was originally turned down are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was initially spurned. If they could persevere, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the past six decades had previously lost campaigns. Sylvester Stallone claims that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were rejected 1,500 times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

Acceptance

Then, upon arriving at my later years, I reached the last step of setback. Peace. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. To begin with, an publisher may have already featured a like work, or be planning one underway, or be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my idea is uninteresting. Or maybe the editor thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Or isn’t in the market for the work I am offering. Or was too distracted and read my piece too quickly to recognize its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an epiphany. Anything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are always not up to you.

Within Control

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may occasionally be flawed. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, especially commas, was annoying.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a autobiography, at retirement age—and over a thousand pieces. These works have been published in newspapers large and small, in local, national and global outlets. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for half a century.

However, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better take rejection at 73, because my, humble achievements have softened the jolts of my frequent denials. I can choose to be reflective about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but provided that you heed what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep seeing denial incorrectly. So what lessons have I learned?

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